The Last Thought (1/2)

What is more important in life? Living or pretending to Live? Should he take a risk and say that this is the most loveliest evening he has spent in all the time he was there? Should he thank her for listening to his ‘seemingly hilarious’ jokes, his non stop gab, his dreams without criticism and without comment ? Or should he simply don the armor of the woman with will power, with ‘special light’ and leave without saying anything.

As they were walking along the road to the not so busy streets of the city he was listening to her, her aspirations, her expectations with life, her desire, her dreams. She had been a happy girl and she could not easily content herself but she knew how to be stay happy with it; it was a gift from life.

Yes, It has not been an evening like any other. He felt tense and anxious, for he had opened a door that he did not know how to close. It is the end of his stay in the city and he has to move to an another one the next morning. He knew her for 5 years and now it seems he understands the girls inside her.

When she finished speaking they were sitting in a small restaurant, this time the other side of the road, the one closer to her home. The dusk was closing in. It was getting dark. They ate little. He watched her more. It was the time to say good-bye. The final one. He was so in a delirium. Should he let her know. Should he simply wait for a more proper a time; but then what is proper. He hardly had answers ??

They left the restaurant clearing the bills. She preferred to say less, the customary good – bye. She shook his hand, as was the custom, and went home. There was he again, standing on the gates with his queues of thought. For the first time he look at his past. This was the first time he felt the warmth. He came back home.

He had his flight at 7am. It was 3am. He could barely feel the slumber in his eyes. Something was missing. May be he found something. Opening up his notebook he started scribbling.

It’s there in the excitement of the unexpected, in the desire to do something with real fervor, in the certainty that one is going to realize a dream. Passion sends us a signal that guides us through out lives, and its up to me to interpret those signals. I would like to believe that I’m in Love, with someone I have known for years, someone who did not figure out exactly in my plans. I do not expect so much in returns. She might have least interests in me. She might not even accept this. Leave alone the ‘acceptance’ , she might not even ‘understand’ it. But does that mean I should deny myself the chance to Love. Its not in my control to persuade her feelings but I cannot stop loving her. She did not figure out closely in my plans. But I would continue loving her. I could like the duck on the lake  and take pleasure in the sudden ripple that set the water rocking. Considering the way the world is, one happy day is almost a miracle…….”

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