Where do i begin .. hmmm .. k !! i got it ..
Many of my friends said that the previous post was one of the most filthy note i ever wrote. Perhaps true; When you have a TCS test next day on the queue[ Note i am speaking of a priority queue :P ] where some A.H are gonna ask you English; the post to be filthy is bound to be happening. The other side is that it was all my frustration that found its way on the blog page. And on the lighter note i felt good [:x]
TCS test..huh !! cmon guys its no placement test.. so stay still; just a test for the project. But two things that went different about this test
1. TCS is not an A.H.
2. They changed their questions this tym [all new.. so guys appearing for TCS ; make a note that you do Data Sufficiency well enough; as for verbal Sux all the time].
Lets close this chapter here and try abating the consequences.
I had this thought as I was in bathroom, What next; What next am i gonna do with my life. [These thoughts are at its best when you are in bathroom :P]. This questions did away my idea of watching a movie.[:x]. I pondered and said to myself "Good question Dude.. & .. in fact a relevant one "... taking into current external circumstantial evidence...
"Do i need to think.. means still, i have a year to go...", i said to myself.
"Obv .. you need to think.. and in fact early you begin is better for you", the person standing right in front of me stated. The person whom i never met, the person whom i can feel as omnipresent.
"Fuck !! means why the phase of thinking becomes cyclic...3 years before i thought and once again i need to again.. cmon' why Humans cant Live a life that was meant to be lived..??".
We wanted to live and just have a look at yourself .. are you living or running, running for all petty things that have circumstantially become an stringent and importantly commodity of human life ...
We took birth and the first thing that we adapted was to run.. run for every fucking thing. Run came out the embryo of Expectations.
We Expect and and to quench the expectation we run .. holding our breath..
I am not questioning the very process of Life .. and i cannot coz i have been a part of that f***ing system for 22 long years. but its a feeling that i couldnt get rid of since many days, years whatever ... we want , we work hard and we get .. Time again we want more , we work harder, and we get .. the more we work the meaner we become. The idea which keeps hunting me is when this big want meets its destiny.. when do we start enjoying the basic happiness of world.. !!!
Well cut it loose.. and let me get straight to the basic question what am i gonna do
Where most of my friend have started their CAT Preparations..i am still looming large at the different Multiple choice available on my OMR sheet of life. Pursuing a MBA is the least thing i wanna do now. So "Belling tha CAT" as they say is not so evident in my mind.. as for now..
2nd option GRE.. some of my friends have taken their GRE and believe me they are into US lifestyle well before a year..huh !!! as far as i am concerned GRE is still 2 yrs from now..
3rd option GATE .. this is one option that i am looking forward with an interest more than any of the previous two; and every sip of coffee from my mug strengthens this idea..
4th and the most probable idea that i am thinking is to work...means cmon Dude you studied all the crap for 4 fucking long years. you had slogged night before every semester exam...taste it what its all about...?? [this idea is the strongest in my mind]...
and as i think of a job the word EXPECTATION/RUN starts ringing in my mind again.. and here begins what i think is one of the most sucking, thematic and critical attribute of Humany Psychology...
Sucking - coz its sux for the only obvious reason that it decimates most of the inner desires of human being.
Thematic - coz its one of the Guidelines that factually makes life decorous.
Critical - because we often confuse if its thematic or sucking
.... to be continued
The Run - Part one
I know not who am I
I know not who am I
I know not who am I
Nor am I the one who believes in Mosque
Nor am I in the rituals of the infidel
Nor am I the pure in impure
Nor am I inherent in the vedas
Nor am i Present in the intoxicants.
Nor am I lost, nor the corrupt
Nor am I union , nor the grief
Nor am I intrinsic in the pure/impure
Nor am I water, nor the land
Nor am I fire nor the air
I know not who am I
I know not who am I
Nor am I from lahore, nor an Indian
Nor a hindu, nor a peshawri turk
Nor did i create the difference of faith
Nor did i create adam eve
nor did i name myself.. !!
Beginning or the end i just know the self do not acknowledge duality
there's none wiser than I.
Who is this ??
I know not who am I
I know not who am I
I am not the moses or the pharaoh
I am not sleep or wakefullness
I am not fire or the wind
I am not inertia or travel
who is this
I know not who am I
I know not who am I
Thoughts of dawn
Just managed to get a new theme for the blog page.
Well that was never an easy task.
03:15 hrs and managing blog themes.. huh !! sounds crazy :P
But yeah actually it does..
An couple of hours before i, was thinking what success actually mean..
Whoa !!! All of a sudden i am thinking about success - definitely i have met a failure very recently .. Its quite natural ..
ahem ahem !!! to a certain extent yeah ...
As a young lad of 12 years old, success meant to me score a 90 + in mathematics ( that was only the subject that kept luring me !)
As i grew, moved to my higher classes , the definition of success changed drastically. Until 8th standard , i was academically 4th or 5th best guy in the class; when i stood second for the first time.
The definition of success changed again.
Now it was to be proficient among the class. As time passed by the definition adapted itself, though most of the time it seemed quixotic; but who has ever surpassed Human desire; By now i was in Xth standard; Xth exams always carry an air (Its only 3 years down the line you realize that the whole of hype was a futile)
Success now meant to me scoring good in boards.. a six pointer..
[Six pointer - huh !! the concept carries a big air if you are an ICSE student ..]
After i passed my boards, the succcess had pushed itself to clearing JEE. I realized then i was growing and so was the limits of success; Every time i reached it ; it slided away a step ahead ; Though JEE wasnt a tractable event; i managed to get into a descent enough institute.
years have passed by since i first realized success; i am still hovering and groping for the exact definiton of success; some says its to reach out our desire; some says to have a content life. Though i have brought a lot of equanimity in my life ; from an active to a docile creature [probably that is the effect of an engineering course in INDIA], m still figuring out what success actually means.
Get good marks ; get fucking good percentage; get fucking good Junior college; get a fucking good college ; get a fucking good job .....bla bla bla bla bla .... ..
Perhaps i think is SUCCESS is what you never get. its something that we always crave for; its an illusionary .
What the fuck .. i think i should go back to memorizing my word list; that will do a lil good to my test 2moro.. for the rest have a thought ...
Love and Wishes ..Anshu !!
