Pseudo Intellectual

There was a time not so long ago when everything was about being fashionable. Everybody wanted to endorse style, everyone wanted to be on Page 3, everybody wanted to buy their clothes from the same boutique, where Karan Johar bought it from. But now times have changed, people have evolved. Now its not about being fashionable, but its about being intellectual. Everybody wants to be an intellectual. Being Intellectual is in and it's not easy today. In 2012 it's fairly complicated to be an intellectual.

In 80's it was really easy; you just had to carry a jute bag and you can adorn the title. In the 90's you just had to spend a little more; you had to buy a Fab India Kurta. In 2000's it became  really easy; you just had to hate George W Bush and you would be called an intellectual. But unfortunately in 2012 due to the nature of society adopting a 'attention seeking whore' model, it's  fairly complicated. Nevertheless here are the 5 steps to make yourself believe you are an intellectual.

Step 1 - Crib about anything and everything on this planet. Crib about your government, crib about cops, crib about roads, crib about relatives, crib about social network. Just go by the simple basic rule - ' sab chutiye hain '. The reason is fairly simple. Because you crib, people think you have an opinion; and having an opinion is the first crucial step towards being an intellectual.

Step 2 - Have a clear cut but extreme opinion on Arundhati Roy. It could be extreme in either ways. It could be this extreme that you say - 'She writes with blood. She writes for the minions and down trodden. You are a fucking American dog'  Or it could be the other extreme that you say 'joote dekhe hain iske, 8000 ke joote hain. Delhi ke New friends colony mein rehti hai., Posh area hai. Fraud hai ek no ki.' And the best thing about this step is  that it offers a toggle facility. You can keep switching between the two opinions with a switch frequency. Because when you switch people think you have read more on the subject. Contradiction is the fundamental right of an intellectual.

Step 3 - This is step is a little sexist as it is only applicable for the ladies. Wear a red large bindi. Because nothing screams the intellectual like the bindi; the size of which is like an ozone layer hole.

Step 4 -  In this decade this is really a inevitable step. Have a twitter account. Remember you are no intellectual if you are still getting tagged to 'Please adopt my cat photos' on facebook or someone else is still posting about beating your score in crazy taxi. Importantly combine step 4 and step 2 and you are almost there. You are 80% Intellectual already.

Step 5 - This is the golden one, the icing on the cake. Last step towards being an intellectual is that you sign at least 5 online petitions every month. They could be about any god damn thing on this planet. They could be about  saving some Iranian filmmaker from getting jailed, they could be about saving 1411 left tigers, they could be about god sake, they could be about saving Abhishek's Bacchan career. Doesn't matter. Just sign 5 online petition every month and you are an intellectual.

P.S - If you have slightest of inclination to show your gratification thanks Varun Grover for the tip for life.

I do not feel like a proud Indian

 

 

I do not feel like a proud Indian after reading all that about the hideous crime in the capital. Someone so brutally assaulted, and the streets still did not care to put a piece of cloth or alert an emergency until police arrives. 8 rapes in 25 day and we try to say we are a emerging economy. We might light candles , we might make optimistic facebook post , we might write blogs; what's more important is to respect and care for a fellow human. Despite cast creed and race we still belong to one common community called as 'human' and this commonality is enough for us to care, respect and look out for each other.

I am going to be cautious about my society. Are you, I leave it to you. I might be sounding judgmental or hypocrite and despite how callous I pretend to be , deep down I still care for people around me;  despite I know them or not.

And yes - "I do not feel like a proud Indian"

P.S - These are my own personal opinion.

 

 

End

If this is the end of my journey and I see no other way for it to be otherwise, then as it reaches its conclusion I want to thank you Lord for the journey itself. The destination I constantly sought is now only understood as my journey was taken. The future is yours and I commend my whole self, wretched that I am, to you Lord. For I fear my steps are coming to a halt. I acknowledge the joys of life, the love, the laughter, the sorrow too, the hardship, the loss of friends and loved ones. You have given me everything I have and I lay my whole journey before you now. I give you all that I am, all I was and ever will be. The wind is howling around my ears, its noise brings confusion and fear to my weakening soul. I have never felt so small in the vast enormity of your brilliant creation. Yet even in this dire moment, I know you are here, close by me Lord. I feel the assurance of your abiding presence. The shadow I felt with me throughout is emerging, becoming a bright light. As the breath in my body begins to become still, the vision of eternity breaks the clouds of doubt that have been forming above my head during this most stressful, wearying time. I trust you Lord and that increases now as I let go of this waking world and give into the sleep that is so needed, most welcome. I close my eyes now, the pain is leaving me, I see the hand you stretch out to me now and I am filled with an incredible peace, one I have never felt before. The dark is fading now it is becoming a glorious new morning!

अम्मा - by Crazy Devil

It happens; At times you feel your life in resonance with some lines. There is a friend of mine, a young writer and an a young poet. I have generally been very fond of his lines , just for the matter of fact that his lines are simple, raw and takes me to old by lanes of my past. A few days ago he wrote this and while I was reading it fluctuating visions of past pounded heavy in my heart. I am sure this would resonate to some of you. For more of his writings visit - Bhak Sala

अम्मा,
जब देर रात तक बिजली जाने पर,
तुम पंखा हौंका करती थी

जब बिना exhaust और बिन AC के
तुम तपती गर्मी...
चूल्हा चौका करती थी
मैं तुम्हे शहर दिखाना चाहता था

अम्मा,
जब बस 14 इंच के black and white पर,
सारा घर,
रंगोली देख देख कर रंगता था
जब सुरभि के एक एक ख़त पर
चाँद शरिखे,
सबका चेहरा टंगता था
मैं तुम्हे शहर दिखाना चाहता था

आज बड़ी बड़ी दीवारें हैं
ऊँची Buildings, AC वाली कारें हैं
मैं बालकोनी में चढ़कर
शहर का ज़हर, अकेले पी लेता हूँ.
झूट तुम्हे कहता हूँ कि, पेट भरा है
सच तो है कि
हर रात Maggie पर भूखा ही जी लेता हूँ

आज वो बारिश वाली सड़क नहीं है,
जहाँ कपडे गंदे करके, मैं घर हँसते हँसते आता था
अम्मा आज वो खाट नहीं है,
जिसपर मैं तौलिया लिपटे
superman बनकर रोटी तरकारी खाता था
इस LCD TV में black and white रंग नहीं हैं
अम्मा,
तुम शहर कभी मत आना

Courtesy - Crazy Devil

Tryst with destiny ..

 

Long year ago we made a tryst with destiny, and now the time comes when we shall redeem our pledge ... At the stroke of midnight hour, while the world sleeps, India will awake to life and freedom. A moment comes, which comes but rarely in history, when we step out from the old to the new, when an age ends, and when the soul of a nation long suppressed, finds utterance.

Despite the sufferings and uncertainty about the future of India then, the eyes were filled with emotion, when the masses heard this speech 6 decades ago. They heard the national anthem for the first time. Few recognized it. They realized a good fortune in having witnessed the birth of a new nation. In what became the most important speech delivered in modern India Nehru went on to say, "The achievement we celebrate today is but a step, an opening of opportunities to great triumph and achievements.that await us". He reminded the people that the task ahead included "the ending of poverty and ignorance and disease and inequality of opportunity".

6 decades since then, as I stand in the nation which still does not have educated masses and adequate healthcare and has double digit food inflation, rising prices of commodities, scams one after another, my heart is saddened and mind is troubled. The 3G, CWG, changing education structure of centrally funded autonomous education institutes, India Against Corruption movement, black money laundering and the recently mishandled coal blocks allocation.

We have made progress in certain aspect but the I think may be it's not enough. After the economic liberalization India, China and Japan emerged as the potential growth economies. While Japan is 3 generations ahead , China capitalized on it's resources and strengths,  India somewhere lagged behind.

I am not sure what the future is in store us but we have reasons enough to get alarmed, we have reasons enough to wake up. I think somewhere we fell short in fulfilling the tryst that we made with destiny long ago.

गुलज़ार साहब

 

 

 

 

मैं सिगरेट तो नहीं पीता

मगर हर आने वाले से पूछ लेता हूँ की 'माचिस है ?'

बहुत कुछ है जिसे मैं फूँक देना चाहता हूँ

 

 

Why I watched 'The Dark Knight Rises' twice

Gotham's Reckoning

Nolan ended the Dark Man Trilogy with the last brick in  the wall - 'The Dark Knight Rises'. No wonder I have watched this movie twice in one week and no wonder it still deserves one blog post and one more watch at least. So this flick had so much speculation around it; so much hype; not to forget how Nolan left the spectators craving for more with his larger than life - The Dark Knight; the entire audience were waiting desperately for the return of BATMAN on the big screen. Nolan is known for his story telling and his characterization. I am not great at writing movie reviews but here I have 5 reasons why 'I watched 'The Dark Knight Rises' twice, and by the end of this week may be the count would rises to thrice.

 

The Story - A Climactic Final Chapter

There was one 'Joker' and there was one movie 'The Dark Knight'. You cannot repeat it again and importantly the audience has to understand it. But when you look for the conclusion of an epic, the story has to be convincing, articulative and should tie back all the loose end. The Dark Knight Rises does that with so much of perfection and efficacy. The Dark Knight ended with a thought-provoking climax as Batman made a decision that few others would be willing to make: Instead of revealing the true motivations of the late Harvey Dent, the Caped Crusader opted to paint himself as the villain so that the citizens of Gotham would still idolize their hero (Dent) and not have the unfortunate reality undermine their idealism. In the final chapter, it was interesting to see how Batman thrived as a hero even though the people of Gotham viewed him as a monster. This dichotomy - between Batman's public persona and his private heroism-- set the stage for a great story about nobility and honor in the face of criticism and hatred. Moreover the way the conclusion ties the 'League of Shadows' and other open ends just leaves me with the thought 'This is not The Dark Knight but there wouldn't be a befitting conclusion to the saga than this'

The Cast - Some of the Finest Actors

If you have watched 'Inception' and 'Batman Begins' with uber detail you will find lot of similar faces. Nolan's cinematic version of one of the most popular series of DC comics offers up one of the strongest casts ever in comic book movie. If you put the cast of The Dark Knight Rises together for a photo shoot, it would include some of the finest actors working today. Four of the prominent faces -- Christian Bale, Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine and Marion Cotillard -- have all won Oscars for their acting skills. Additionally the cast includes the massively-talented combination of Tom Hardy, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Oscar nominees Gary Oldman and Anne Hathaway. This is an incredible cast - not only for a superhero movie, but for a film in general.

The Theme - Profundity

The Dark Knight Rises, was more than a typical superhero film. Not only were the special effects great, but the story itself offered a thematic depth that other superhero movies haven't yet matched. It wasn't just about a hero fighting evil. It also spoke to the dichotomy between good and evil, the strength and weakness that exists in all of us. The movie forced audiences to think about their own visions of good versus evil. The dark Knight Rises is as thought-provoking and deep as its predecessor.

The Director - Christoper Nolan

Watch it for Nolan. Nolan has created a series of unforgettable films over the past dozen years. From 2000's Memento to 2008's The Dark Knight to 2010's Inception, this director has created several masterful works. He knows how to pen strong stories, develops strong and well balanced series of characters and use technology special effects smartly, and show viewers a great time at the theater. That ability can't be under-estimated.

The Character - Strong and well balanced

Batman's nemesis in The Dark Knight Rises is Bane, known to be one of the most strong antagonist that Batman ever faced. From blowing up a football field full of players, to bringing Batman to his knees, this monster was the greatest threat that the city of Gotham had ever faced. And the way Nolan, developed this character is worth applauding. Tom Hardy, who is quickly establishing himself as an A-lister seems to be great for the role. The way Nolan used his masked voice added to the chromaticity of the character. Batman's ally, the cat woman, played by Anne Hathaway, first makes her first appearance in the Nolan's Trilogy. Not only did Cat woman, Selina Kyle gets a chance to have a hand at the Batpod but also she serves as the icing on the epic conclusion. The last scene just perfectly depicts the end to a saga.

 

Anticipation can be a bitch. Expectations can lead to disappointment. Hype can be a killer. Christopher Nolan’s epic conclusion to his Dark Knight trilogy has to deal with all three nuisances, and he flicks them aside like villain Bane does Batman, the entire Gotham police force and everyone else who makes the mistake of crossing his path. All in all if there could be an elusive end to the epic , it was supposed to be this - The Dark Knight Rises

 

Five Things You Should Stop Doing

A few months back I read a similar article on Harvard Business Review Blog and then I thought, may be I can add something to it from my own experience too.

Responding Like a Trained Monkey. Every productivity expert in the world will tell you to check email at periodic intervals — say, every 90 minutes — rather than clicking "refresh" like a Pavlovian mutt. Of course, almost no one listens, because studies have shown email's "variable interval reinforcement schedule" is basically a slot machine for your brain. But spending a month away — and only checking email weekly — showed me how little really requires immediate response. In fact, nothing. A 90 minute wait won't kill anyone, and will allow you to accomplish something substantive during your workday.

Mindless Traditions. I recently invited a friend to a prime networking event. "Can I play it by ear?" she asked. "This is my last weekend to get holiday cards out and I haven't mailed a single one. It is causing stress!" In the moment, not fulfilling an "obligation" (like sending holiday cards) can make you feel guilty. But if you're in search of professional advancement, is a holiday card (buried among the deluge) going to make a difference? If you want to connect, do something unusual — get in touch at a different time of year, or give your contacts a personal call, or even better, meet up face-to-face. You have to ask if your business traditions are generating the results you want.

Reading Annoying Things. We tend to subscribe several news letters.I have nearly a dozen newsletters and online magazine subscriptions, the result of alluring specials (free subscriptions and the compulsion not to miss out on crucial information. But after detoxing for a month, I was able to reflect on which publications actually refreshed me — and which felt like a duty and differentiate subscription which made sense and which ended up spamming my inbox. The pretentious tech publication with crazy layouts and too-small print? Not so much. I'm weeding out and paring down to literary essentials. What subscriptions can you get rid of?

Set expectations that can be fulfilled. We are vibrant people and a major of us are energetic too. But does that mean we will be able to carry this energy for a long period of time. You may feel high on winning a multi-million contract but then the feeling is perpetual, until the reality set in that it was a government contract, filled with ridiculous reporting mechanisms, low reimbursement rates and administrative complexities that sucked the joy and profit out of the work. You work 12 hours daily, sure you are a passionate being who loves his job. But how long would you be able to do that. How long would you be able to fulfill such an expectations. And look around, ain't you distracting the social balance.

Making Things More Complicated Than They Should Be. We have the habit to schedule conference calls so frequent and working in a consulting environment we tend to schedule more calls than analyzing the need of call. Biweekly check-in calls are good indeed but we should be tactful enough for justifying it. A well conceived pre-analysis can save time for a large number of people involved in an engagement. As Eric Ries points out in his new book The Lean Startup , developing the best code or building the best product in the world is meaningless if your customers don't end up wanting it. Instead, test early and often to ensure you're not wasting your time. What ideas should you test before you've gone too far? Simple things are always preferred. You may end up developing a complicated fancy excel based tool for doing some analysis. But even before you start such an activity you need to question your idea; if the idea is meant to simplify things or complicate either.

Unconventional

Source - Harvard Business Review Blog
By        - Claudio Fernández-Aráoz

I am quite a follower of HBR Blogs, just for the matter of fact, that every time I visit the page, I land up with the a thought. Sunday morning and this is the article I read. Brilliantly written and exceptionally titled.

 

Professional success used to depend on experience, knowledge, and skill. But things have changed in recent decades. First, knowledge has become as rapidly obsolete as universally available. Second, we live in an increasingly uncertain and volatile world where, I often say, even the past has become unpredictable. And, finally, business has become more global and diverse.In this new normal, experience and knowledge are less relevant, while the abilities to learn and adapt, to be resilient and to connect with others are ever more crucial. That's why, as an executive search consultant.

Click here to read more

How hard are you willing to push yourself

Courtesy: HBR Blogs
By: Tony Schwartz

What do all people who achieve true excellence and consistently high performance have in common?

The answer isn't great genes, although they're nice to have. It's the willingness to push themselves beyond their current limits day in and day out, despite the discomfort that creates, the sacrifice of more immediate gratification, and the uncertainty they'll be rewarded for their efforts.

The first way I've seen this is physically, through my body. I work out regularly with weights. I do push myself to discomfort, and I've grown considerably stronger over the years. At 60, I'm stronger than I was at 30.

But in truth, I rarely push myself to exhaustion. If I did, the evidence suggests I would get significantly stronger than I already am. The key here is intensity, not duration. If I was willing to push hard, I could do fewer repetitions, and derive more benefit in way less time than I invest now.

So why don't I do it? The answer, I'm slightly embarrassed to admit, is that I'm not prepared to endure more discomfort than I already do. The mind tricks us into thinking we've hit our limits long before we actually have.

Human beings have two powerful primal instincts. One is to avoid pain, an instinct that helped us to survive when we were vulnerable to predators in the savanna. The other is to move towards pleasure, an instinct that once kept us foraging for food, which was scarce, and still helps to ensure that we pass on our genes.

Unfortunately, neither of these instincts prompt us to delay gratification in the service of longer-term gain. For that, we need to enlist the more advanced, reflective part of our brain — the prefrontal cortex — to consciously resist the primitive cravings that originate in the lower part of our brain.

The other place I've seen this play out is in my writing. I'd love to stop working right now and check my email, or visit my refrigerator, not just because either one would provide a hit of pleasure, but also to get away from the discomfiting challenge of trying to wrestle the jumble of ideas in my head into clear, evocative sentences.

Over the course of my life, I've taught myself to stay focused in front of my computer. But even after four decades as a writer, it's never easy. The Pavlovian pull of email has only made it harder to focus in recent years — and nearly impossible for many people I know.

The unavoidable truth is that the willingness to endure discomfort and sacrifice instant gratification is the only way to get better at anything, and to achieve true excellence.
There are three keys to strengthening this counterintuitive capacity:

1. Minimize temptation, which operates the same way the house does in a casino. It will always defeat you if you expose yourself to it for too long. Think about cake or cookies at an office party. If they sit there in front of you, you're eventually going to succumb. The same is true of incoming email. If you don't turn it off entirely at times, the ongoing pings will inevitably prove irresistible.

2. Push yourself to discomfort only for relatively short and specific periods of time. Interval training is built on short bursts of high intensity exercise offset by rest and recovery. It's harder than aerobic training, but it's also a more efficient, less time-consuming way to increase fitness.

3. Build energy rituals - specific behaviors done at precise times - for your most difficult challenges. Try beginning the day by focusing without interruption on the most important challenge in front of you, for no more than 90 minutes, and then take a real renewal break. It's much easier to tolerate discomfort in short doses.

Choose one area of your life and push yourself just a little harder than you think is possible every day. You'll feel better about yourself, and over time, you'll get better at whatever it is you're doing.

अंजान होंसले

मंजिल भी उन्ही की थी, रस्ते भी उन्ही के थे

मैं सिर्फ अकेला था , बाकी सब  कारवा भी उन्ही का था

साथ चलने की चाहत भी उन्ही की थी, साथ छोड़ने का फैसला भी उन्ही का था

मेरी आँखों में सपने भी उन्ही के थे, उन सपनो में रंगी कहानियाँ भी उन्ही की थी

बारिश के बूंदों के छाओं तले वो नयी खुशबू भी उन्ही की थी

गली के नुक्कड़ पे खड़े होके चाय की चुस्कियों के बीच यादें भी उन्ही के थी

मंजिल भी उन्ही की थी, रस्ते भी उन्ही के थे

मैं सिर्फ अकेला था , बाकी सब  कारवा भी उन्ही का था

No one here does

How does it feels to be a friend to someone who doesn't like you. You feel cheated, no you feel guilty, or do you feel deprived. The exact answer gets a little tough here. So this weekend has been a real fun weekend for him after quite a time. Lots of old friends, lots of alcohol lots of food and definitely some critical reasoning. But then some near dead revelations, not the conventional ones but seemingly non-conventional ones, and at this point he is relentless, sleep deprived with a constant instigation in his heart which is in a constant fight with the mind. While the mind pacifies a lot, the heart is crusading for some tough decisions.

Out of the 930 odd friends he has on facebook (yea that's exactly how we have been counting friends)  definitely fewer among them like him. Well talking out of the realm of the social websites, he came to know not many like him and he has been knowing them, respecting them and have been in constant communication. (Shit I have goofed up the grammar here, who cares ) So this hatred, lack of mercy sends him back to time and the sounds and the emotions in mind and soul reverberate as he asks this question to himself.

"What have I exactly done ??"

There happened to be a boy and girl, and just because they had that teenage crush back in school then, and just because they exchanged books and notes, and just because they moved to college, and just because they started talking more, and just because they fell in love, and just because they enjoyed their tele-romance, and just because they screwed up and moved apart, and just because they had a mutual friend equally close to either of them, and just because the girl went into a relationship with another guy, and just because they goofed up too after a sometime, and just because there was this mutual friend guy and just because the mutual friend guy started talking more with this girl, and just because they became great friends, and just because this mutual friend guy moved to same city, and just because this guy started seeing her more and gradually started having some feelings for the girl, and just because he preferred letting her know about it than to live in stealth, and just because the first guy was his best friend he told about it to him too than to live in stealth, and just because the girl never went decisive, and just because this first guy returned back, and just because this mutual guy never expected anything and decided to stay calm and wait, and just because this first guy kept sharing some gyan, and just because this mutual friend decides to move ahead and let go his feelings and care for the girl, and just because he always wished best for both of them, and just because he happens to be a great friend to both of them the first guy dislikes him, he cannot forgive him, he doesn't likes him any more.

The concept of friend died for him a long time ago and now the concept of 'just' and 'fair' died too. The reverberation only is growing stronger, that at times it feels as if it is killing the soul inside him. He has grown weak, feeble and the inside him is crying every second as the word "I don't like him" rings so close. This night is tough and as he writes he decides he has to move apart to save the inside him. He knows no one cares for it and no one ever did. They just talk to him because he happens to be a guy whom they have known for a long time. And the inside him definitely doesn't wants the fuck all mercy. Seriously what do we know about pleasure and pain, they both remain to be a mystery for him, for me, for you.

The real problem is choice, between the 'reality' and the 'morphed version of reality'. "I don't like him anymore, No one here does", Screwed , Messed and probably pissed. Time to rift the ways apart.

 

Petrofied - 101

 After a descent amount of research on the eve of India being peTROLLed (yes that's what exactly I want to call the day dated 23rd, May 2012 which co-incidentally happens to be my birth date too and thus providing me less reasons to be in a mood of jubilation) I happened to come across this artifact on the world wide web, which I am not sure if it's as correct as voiced, but then it has some amount of truth. (The Amount is more than those TROLLs/MEMEs floating around on the facebook pages).

The Petrol Price has been hiked by over 10% overnight, and as usual, specious arguments about “loss making Oil PSUs”, “sharp depreciation in Rupee” and “Government cannot subsidize the Rich for their petrol cars” are spouted to justify this humungous hike! A quick 101 (yes that's how the build up courses are named in my firm) on the building blocks of the street price of petrol would debunk each of these specious arguments to smithereens!

The Cost Breakup

The Indian basket of Crude Oil is at about USD 100 today (NYMEX is at USD 90.71, Brent is at USD 107.17 and WTI at USD 89.60 Source: http://www.bloomberg.com/energy/ and Indian basket is usually at 5-7% discount bracket to Brent). At today’s exchange of INR 56 per USD (the worst ever!), the crude works out to INR 5600 per barrel, which is still 6% cheaper than the highest price of INR 5900 recorded in August 2008.

Now lets us have a look at the model which translates to cost per litre of petrol !!

A barrel of Crude produces approx. 150 litres of Petrol or its equivalent. (This is a broad generalization and depends on type of crude, efficiency of the refinery and other processes involved, but is a reasonably good approximated estimate, based on expert inputs).

The total of all other costs involved in converting crude to Petrol – which includes transport of crude and refined products, cost of refining, reasonable refining margin for the refinery, fuel used by the refinery, dealer commission etc. is approx. USD 12, which works out to INR 672 per barrel. (USD 1 = INR 56)

Now, this totals up to a final cost of petrol, at your nearest petrol bunk, at INR 42 per litre! YES, it is a little less than INR 42 per litre, shorn of all taxes. [(5600+672)/150]. This morphs to INR 77 – 81 per litre, adding taxes at different levels under various heads – Basic Excise duty, Additional Duty, Special Additional duty, Cess, Additional Cess and lastly, the exorbitant State Sales Tax – adding up to INR 35-40 per litre of Petrol. These are the taxes and duties that the Governments, both centre and state, happily splurge on populist policies with an aim of making every citizen a beggar of Government doles!

So after the cost setup time to glance at some myths and yes they  can be debunked.

Myth 1 – “Oil PSUs’ losses have to be arrested”

The first and the most common myth “Oil PSUs are loss making?” In the real sense? If they stop paying their sales tax and excise duty, won’t they be rolling in cash? The real issue is the warped duty and pricing structure! The unintended adverse side-effects of this warped duty and pricing structure are

a. Oil PSUs now shy of investing money for creating new refining capacity

b. Much needed resources for exploring fresh oil sources are deprived

c. Investors run for safety (Niko Resources pulled out of India citing this yesterday!)

d. Corporate Governance takes a severe beating – all these Oil PSUs are listed companies, and minority shareholders like you and me are taken for a royal ride!

All these are crippling India’s natural geographical advantage of being closer to Middle East, and distant countries like Singapore and Indonesia are happily creating fresh refining capacities!

Myth 2 – “Sharp Depreciation of Rupee”

The depreciation of Rupee, by about 10% in the recent months from INR 51 per USD to INR 56 per USD has been MORE THAN OFFSET by the almost 20% decline in the global crude oil prices from USD 120 per barrel to USD 100 per barrel. Moreover, the sharp depreciation in the exchange rate is, in all probabilities, an over-reaction of the market to the global turmoil and it can be reasonably expected that RBI would intervene to soothe the nerves of the market which will have a sobering effect on the Rupee. So, the rupee depreciation is NOT a justifiable reason for hiking petrol price today. And as a matter of fact I have not seen petrol pricing down once the rupee becomes stronger. So pricing = f(rupee) is definitely not a well defined monotonically increasing function. If yes, well I would be interested in the domain and range of such a function.

Myth 3 – “Government cannot continue to subsidize the rich”!

This is the unkindest cut of all! As we saw just now, at the cost price of INR 42 per litre and a selling price of INR 70 per litre (before this overnight hike!), who is subsidizing whom? After today’s hike, the total taxes work out to whopping 83% on the basic price.

At this price, even diesel is NOT a subsidized product as the cost is exactly the same at INR 42 per litre for it. (the refining process yields all final products at almost same cost), which is sold at INR 44-46 per litre. So, they should spare us these sermons on “Government subsidizing the rich for their cars and two wheelers!”

सोचिये, आराम से सोचिये !!

२ हफ्ते हो गए सत्यमेव जायेते के Promo को टीवी पै आये हुए.  कुछ  सुपरिचित ज्ञानी लोगों ने तो इसे अपना caller tune भी बना लिया है. मैंने सोचा , अचानक इतनी देशभक्ति, इतनी जागरूकता कहाँ से आ गयी है लोगों के दिलों मे.  हम हिन्दुस्तानी भी ना काफी emotional creature हैं.  इस बात का अंदेशा तो मुझे काफी दिनों से था पर शायद इसकी gravity आज समझ में आई. खैर कल सवेरे जब मैंने अपना Facebook Account खोला तो पता चला, की आमिर खान साहब जो पिछले २-३ दिनों से लोगों से गुहार लगा रहे थे की सवेरे उठ के अपने सारे काम निपटा लें,  लोगों ने वाकई उनकी बात मानी. खैर मैं तो 11:45 पै ही उठ पाया. Twitter पे भी काफी हलचल थी. वैसे मुझे तो अपनी रविवार की नींद ज्यादा प्यारी है. विश्वाश नहीं करेंगे आप पर मैंने अपनी Jannat - 2 की टिकेट तक की परवाह नहीं की अपनी नींद के सामने.  पिछली रात ही बुक करवाई थी 11:30 की. शायद अपने आप से ज्यादा ही उम्मीद कर लिया था मैंने.

 

BTW Facebook पै मैंने देखा हर कोई सत्यमेव जयते का नारा लगाए बैठा था.  कोई बड़ाई की पुल बांधने में लगा हुआ है तो कोई criticise करने में. लगा की अन्ना हजारे साहब वाले दिन वापस आ गए, ऐसा लगा मानो मेरी फ्रेंड लिस्ट में से २००-३०० लोगों ने अचानक ही India Against Corruption के जागरूक सिपाही में तब्दील हो गए थे. एक मित्र ने तो SMS तक भेज डाला, "Dude did you see Satyamev Jayate ?"  मैंने तो Show के आखिर के 15 minute ही देखा था, पर जितना पढ़ा और सुना उसके बारे में, इतना ही समझ में आया की देश और समाज को बदलने की बात करी जायेगी हर रविवार सुबह ११ बजे.  कुछ जटिल मुद्दे उठाये जायेंगे.

सबसे अच्छी बात है की इसी बहाने कुछ लोग अब हर  रविवार जल्दी उठेंगे. कम से कम आमिर खान साहब को टीवी पै कुछ वजनदार मुद्दों पे बात करते तो सुनेंगे. Facebook पर नारेबाजी करेंगे, आमिर खान साहब के प्रेरणा भरे चित्रों को tag करेंगे, Twitter pe कांग्रेस सरकार पर निशाना साधेंगे, शाम को चाय की प्याले के साथ देश में चल रही सामानांतर घटनाओ का दोषी एक दूसरे को ठेरायेंगे. और कुछ उत्कृष्ट समाज के लोग जो चाय नहीं पीते, वो रविवार की शाम किसी pub में बैठ कर मदिरा के १-२ पेग और कुछ rock संगीत के बीच यही कहते हुए पाए जायेंगे "Fuck it man, We need a trendsetter, we need a revolution, may be a mass movement ".पर यकीन कीजिये, Mass में शामिल होने को कोई तैयार नहीं होगा. और नशे के साथ ये  "mass movement " का नशा भी उतर जायेगा.

अगर एक show से कुछ होना होता तो देश के कई मुद्दे संभाले जा सकते थे. रेप, यौन शोषण , अशिक्षा, जबरदस्ती किए जाने वाले धर्म परिवर्तन, मजदूरों के हक का शोषण, बाल रोज़गार इत्यादि. यह तो बस कुछ मसले हैं जिनसे हम सब घिरे हुए हैं, अगर गहराई में जाएँ तो इस रविवार को शुरू की गयी ये List  शायद अगले रविवार कट भी खत्म ना हो. खैर कल सोमवार है. कल फिर हम अपने अपने ऑफिस में लग जायेंगे, कभी खुद को तो कभी अपने काम को कोसेंगे, गधे जैसे दिन भर काम करेंगे, और देर रात  वापस आकर अखबार पर एक और शोषण के बारे में पढेंगे, किसी ना किसी को दोषी ठेरायेंगे. हफ्ते के बचे हुए दिन Clients  के लिए Analytical reports, Excels Summaries बनाने में, Seniors ko कोसने में,  मसालेदार खबरें पढ़ने में, चल रहे IPL Matches की टिपण्णी करने में, और Friday के इन्तेज़ार में निकल जायेगा.  फिर एक और रविवार आएगा, फिर यही कार्यक्रम दोहराया जाएगा.

तो साहब सवाल तो वही रह गया, सत्यमेव जयते के धुनों को सुनने और उसे Caller tune पे लगने वाले  मासिक ३० रूपये के व्यय के अलावा हमने क्या किया ? हाँ कुछ youtube के videos भी देखा हमने. अगर आप ये बोलते हैं की हममें जागरूकता बढ़ी है तो मुझे तो हसी ही आएगी.  या तो आप अभी भी नींद में है या आपने शायद जागरूकता को अपनी GK Quotient समझ रखा है.  खैर आमिर खान साहब की कोशिश सराहनीय है,  उनकी Team ने जितना Effort लगाया है, वाकई काबिले - तारीफ है.  तो फिर जो लोग ये शो देख रहे हैं , उन्हें क्या करना चाहिए, शायद अपना "Emotional Quotient" कम करना चाहिए और अपना "Actionable Quotient" बढ़ाना चाहिए.  मानसिकता बदलने की कोशिश करिए.

और जहां तक मेरी बात है, मैं तो अब भी हर रविवार अपनी नींद पूरी करने को तवज्जो दूँगा. मैं शायद किसी बदलाव के लिए पहल नहीं कर रहा हूँ , तो क्या हक है मुझे ज्ञान बांटने का, तो साहब मेरा कतई इरादा नै है आप जैसे बुद्धिजीवियों के बीच ज्ञान बांटूं पर हाँ, मैं उन लोगों में से भी नहीं, जो Facebook और Twitter पर बदलाव की बातें करते हैं.  क्या पता, आप अगर अपनी नींद से जाग जाओ, तो मैं भी आपके संग हो लूँ इस बदलाव को लाने के लिए.

थोडा विचार कीजिये, आराम से सोचिये !!

Choice – The real problem is choice

Choice has always been the solution and the real problem. These choice makes us feel enabled to make decisions that affected palpable changes in our existence, even if our minds are only vaguely aware of their options. Choice binds both affirmations and resistance. Life always offer two pills. One which leads us to reality and other that leads to reality again, with the only difference that one reality is a shadow image of reality. But the realization grows so complex at times that differentiating each one is another choice to make. The acceptance of Mind is the only keynote of Choice. So you see the real problem is choice. The ramifications unknown.

At some time I see the way with two doors one to the Source; the second door to return to the existing system. Despite the restrictions that choice could bring, very few exist within the quivering system with the actual capacity of free will. Other operatives, in the course of their duties, would be stopped by the unstoppable agents. At some point we start pondering over the idea of cause and effect. How if we see the choice as a matter of cause and effect, believing that knowledge of the effect of something enables the bearer of the cause with power.

Obvious Observations

Two things I have been very commonly observing these days.

1. Girls of my batch getting engaged

2. Boys of my batch lamenting over their girls getting engaged

Definitely none of it comes as a surprise to me either. I refrain from commenting on the either scenarios on personal fronts,  but keeping the fact in the mind that this is my own personal blogger account I have a right to voice my perennial loser opinion on any one of it. Well I don't give a damn about some concerns. As if I really have a huge reader base (:grinning)

The next big thing after Hiroshima and Nagasaki attack that ever happened to humankind is "The Facebook". (This is what it was originally known as) And the facebook status at times just makes things so obvious for me to silent draw conclusion out of some lines, words or some photos. World is in fact a small place. Hell yeah I thought I would be writing my next post as a movie review, Of course Avenger(Just in case you are having any doubts) but then I saw this post on one of my friend's wall and I was so sure "he lost his girl" out of which the only commercial conclusion that I can draw is "you are a loser as while you thought you will make some more money, stabilize your finance, wait for the the right time and a zillion number of dumb fucking reasons to avoid yourself from facing the fact , The girl is ENGAGED." Yes, as one of my friend says, there is more to life than work and stability. While both are essentials but definitely there is more to it.

Nevertheless I don't have explanations and suggestions. I will prefer to sleep in peace and prosperity. We all are grownups and possibly know to deal with ourselves.

Peace .. !!

सवाल

दोपहर के २ बज चुके हैं.  जहां आधी दुनिया कहाँ से कहाँ पहुच चुकी थी , ऑफिस में बैठे ये साहब अपने लैपटॉप की स्क्रीन में झांकते हुए वो बस यह सोच रहे थे की क्या 15 साल पहले इन्हें इस बात का अंदाजा था की ज़िन्दगी ऐसी होगी? आज भी याद करतें है वो पुराने दिन तो सीना गर्व से चौड़ा हो जाता है. भला बताईये, कितने ही लोग ऐसे होंगे जो ज़मीन पर नाचते हुए लट्टू को अपने हथेलियों पर उठाकर नचा सकते हैं. पतंगबाजी का कभी official इतिहास लिखा गया तो gurantee देता हूँ की इन जनाब का नाम किसी न किसी पन्ने पर नाम ज़रूर आएगा. और आज देखिये, AC cubicle में बैठे ये साहब Excel में data pivot करके summary sheets बना रहे हैं. अभी तो conditional formatting करनी बाकी ही है. Important Deliverable है. Client को आज ही चाहिए.  चाहे भले ही उसको पूरा करने में इनके और घड़ी, दोनों के बारह क्यूँ न बजे. फिर देर रात एक Conference Call भी है.  खैर एक और Friday Client के नाम.

उस वक़्त हर सोमवार को होने वाले टेस्ट से डर लगता था. पेपर में कोई सवाल छूट जाए तो अगले दो period तक कोहराम मचा रहता था. Physics के पेपर दिखा दिए जाएँ तो २ महीनो तक किसी के मुख से एक आवाज़ ना निकले. किसी ने सबसे मुश्किल सवाल हल कर दिए तो गर्व से ऐसे चलता मानो Mt. Everest चडकर आया है . और अब देखिये, ज़िन्दगी एक सवाल बन चुकी है, पर कभी दो मिनट कोशिश नहीं करी जवाब ढूंढने की.  खैर कोई बात नहीं,  आइये SAS और Excel के सवालों के जवाब दें.

आसपास के लोग इनकी बुद्धिमता की तारीफ़ करेंगे. इनकी Facebook की Wall पर तारीफों की पुल बांधेंगे. 15-20 likes और साहब खुश. भूल जायेंगे की किसी सवाल का जवाब ढूंढने की कोशिश कर रहे थे आप. खैर यह पोस्ट भी Facebook पर शेयर हो जाएगा. चंद बुद्धिजीवियों के likes आ जायेंगे. कुछ बालिकाएं कमेन्ट भी कर देंगी. जनाब सातवे आसमान पर. शाम की दारु पार्टी के लिए एक विषय मिल जाएगा discussion के लिए.  कल hangover के बाद कुछ याद न रहेगा और  ज़िन्दगी का सवाल फिर से कहीं किसी कोने में खो जाएगा.

फ़िलहाल चलिए एक कप coffee ले आयें. 

और कहीं कोई ये ना बोल दे "अरे ये तो मैंने लिखा था" इसलिए इसके नीचे ADAPTED  चिपका दें.  इंसान भी आजकल "बौद्धिक संपदा अधिकार" का काफी इस्तेमाल करने लगा है.  अरे वही अधिकार जिसे आप अंग्रेजी में "Intellectual Property Right" कहते हैं. 

ADAPTED

Pleasure and Pain

What do we know about pleasure and pain. Perhaps not the best question to answer especially after 14 hours of work. But really what do we know about pleasure and pain. I am not looking for some obvious answers. Obviously they are two extremes of human emotion and we keep switching ourselves from one nook to another. While both leads us to a level of deep emotional understanding and synchronization of energy, they differ in the content. By content I mean to say the content that takes us to an emotional equilibrium. While both of them sound contrasting to each other, a positivity keeps lashing out of each. May be the heart is made to think and mind is meant to reason and they together are meant to endure pain and pleasure.

So the question still remains - What do we know about pleasure and pain

Date a guy who ****

Really, last time I posted a 'date a girl who reads', the site had tremendous hit. But now I am in a disgruntled mood, just because the counts of 'Date a guy/girl who' doing rounds on the internet is really a spam. To my bizarre I just read 'Date a guy who has a MBA from *****'  and I thought may be I should update my take on it. Had you said this in a Roadies audition, Raghu would have definitely screamed - " Are you fucking kidding me ". And not to my surprise Ranvijay in his soliloquy would have replied - 'I am stunned'. This trash is the most Indianised version that could ever have been written.

For sake of others, if you really want to date someone 'Date a guy who can afford'. Who can afford you and your needs unless you are transsexual or something closely related.

Seriously date a guy who can afford you. He can buy you expensive perfumes, dresses, shoes, chocolates. Date a guy who can afford and you can have party every Friday night, Saturday brunches. Sunday Movies. Don't date someone who reads or travels because you might just ending up spending your dates with some shit novel reviews or some creepy vagabond. And believe that sounds good but never makes sense.

A guy who can afford, can fulfill your needs; at least the materialistic ones. If your personal needs are still not catered; probably you can have a parallel affair but have a secure parallel affair which caters to your physical needs. Oops sorry did I use the word physical . I meant Personal Needs. But definitely Date a Guy who can afford and better date a guy who is straight.

For more useless crap keep watching.

And guys importantly - Date a girl who is **** and can ****

The Passion of Sachin Tendulkar

Very few things inspire me these days. To be honest very few, and that is the reason why I have stopped posting nuisance. I have always believed that there are two verb forms of word life. One is the world famous 'living' and then the other is pretending to live. While I have found myself literally dangling from one nook to other corner, this man has definitely lived.

Some doors exist and at times unknowingly we open some of them that we have no fucking idea to put a bolt to. Born in a nation where corruption/politics is the only big thing after cricket and cricket is something bigger than a meager game, this man had caused the ripples in the lake. At the age of 13 opening the inning for cricket club of India, this young lad coined a new and fresh definition for Passion and Confidence. The powerful 50 out of his bat from 18 deliveries in a 20 over exhibition match at Peshawar was a treat. Moreover I believe it was a declaration; a solid one. A declaration which not only did make India Proud but a declaration which made the International cricketing fraternity proud of the game. One moment a roar of avalanche pours in and other moment one finger raised brings utter silence among 1 billion people. No other sports has ever had a man rising so high in expectations.

 

He further cements my belief; Normal people are born and then great people are born but then a legend is born. Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar ; words just can't seem enough for him. Critics just can't bunk about him for long. Respect for this little master who has raised the standard of sport to the highest peak and glory in all spirits. And if you think it's difficult , think of riding high on 1 billion's people's expectation. Believe me that is difficult. Being Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar is difficult.

One thing that I have definitely learnt from him ' Enjoy the game and chase your dreams. Dreams do come true'

Holi and Facebook

Damn, I have a huge data set to analyze. There are 3 different data sets related to each other by some key and seems like the one dataset as close to 12 Mn Records, the other data set has 8 Mn and the third has 4 Mn records. Primarily speaking I have to run some analysis on all of these. Then there is a analysis deck to review. Hell yea I have a screwed day. Why should the fuck in the world I would open my live writer and start writing. Just for the sake of some weird activities I observe these days on facebook and importantly I couldn't find myself a proper vent to irritation

1. Downloading a picture from Google images which emerges as a result of distinct search of the text holi and Uploading it back to facebook and yes this time it is tagged. Yes this is the recent version of conveying wishes. Fuck that, it is irritating. Way to irritating man.

Simple way hit the share button you have it on your wall feed items; and yes tag people. Fucker irritating than the previous ones.

Recommendation - Go get a life dude. Text them, Call them !! Spend some money and stop cranking my wall man.

2. You are playing holi. I really appreciate that, definitely at least you have a life and believe me its better than me. But definitely there is a better way to upload a Holi Album altogether. Once you are done, clean yourself and upload it. I will definitely like it (Well that was an over statement) But Instant Uploads, are you fucking kidding me. Do you really want your precious Smartphone (Obv only they have instant uploads unless you still believe in Nokia Phones) to be cursed. I just said you have a life. Don't you make me to rule that out.

Rest later. Have to run those task I mentioned in first paragraph Nevertheless Happy Holi guys.

Interest

Recently it has come as a subtle realization to me, that I have lost interest in so many things. Is this just a passage of time or am I being an another attention seeking whore. Things which did interest me a lot a couple of years back do not now. Be it

1. Picking people's call

2. Stalking facebook profiles

3. Chatting hours on gtalk

4. Logging in gmail through web

5. Drinking

6. Seeing people

and the list can be countless until I really want to quantify that. May be I am trying to be an attention seeking whore or may be this is the way the life gets to at some point of time.

Rightly said - Its not about the bike; Its the journey back to life

 

Congruence

How often do we mark the "Upgrade to higher class in case of a vacancy" option while filling a railway requisition form? Almost always. But for someone who has traveled all his life in a sleeper coach, the choice isn't obvious. The dilemma is apparent yet brief. Mr. A was traveling in an AC coach as his ticket had been upgraded. The momentary bliss was soon replaced by boredom. The silence was stifling and killing. But, it grew into something more imposing: the ignominy of being the odd-one-out, a sense of self-pity. All Mr. A could do among unfamiliar and stern faces, was to lie down with a pillow over his head and pretend to sleep.

How often do you travel alone? How often do you travel with a dozen of pretty college girls? What is the probability of these two events occurring together? Negligible. Mr. B was amazed at his luck. Never had such an opportunity presented itself, hardly ever had he thanked God for anything. The joy was short-lived, soon replaced by a similar sense of boredom. A group of beauties eagerly sharing the “amazing” time they spent with their “soul mates” was probably the only discussion Mr. B could never be a part of. The ignominy of being the odd-one-out, the sea of pretty and inimical faces, left him no choice, but to take a pillow, pretend to sleep and compare himself to Mr. A

Resolutions #2012

There could not be a better way to start my 2012 blog journey other than from the mighty resolutions that we all try to build on. Some are secretive in doing that while for some it is their facebook post; nonetheless we all do it. Below is a list of some New Year resolutions, which even though very thoughtlessly thought over, will resonate with each one of you. If in case even one of them hasn’t ever featured in your list of resolutions, then you need immediate psychiatric attention.

I will lose weight.

I will quit smoking.

I will drink more water and less beer.

I will exercise regularly.

I will sleep early and wake up early.

I will call mom daily.

I will brush my teeth every night before sleeping.

I will work/study efficiently without checking my mails/FB every alternate minute.

Forget about getting through an entire set of 365 wretched days, even before the first week of January ends, bending a fork mentally will appear easier than following even one of them.So, my public-spirited soul decided to combine with my toothless wisdom and provoked me to suggest you some new New Year resolutions. No, don’t worry! Nobody is asking you to split an atom here, I have framed them keeping in mind the high levels of joblessness, the average level of determination, and the very low level of self-belief of the couple of people who visit this blog page:

Resolution # 1

If the YouTube video has a pre advertisement I am gonna shut the browser window then and there.

The new trend of embedding a 19 sec advertisement in a You tube playlist is killing. And the websites! Seen those ads that appear on your screen as soon as you open websites like timesofindia.com and Cricinfo? Isn’t that the most sickening display of forced advertising? Come year 2012, and you will not let anybody force you to see what you don’t want to see just because you want to waste your time at the workplace. You’ll take your eyes off the screen for those five seconds — your resolution. I’ve tried it, and it’s easy. In fact, you get a feeling of triumph at the end of it.

Resolution # 2

I will stop singing tunes of Sachin Tendulkar’s greatness.

I agree he is the best but let’s just leave it at that. Harping about his credentials will not put food on your platter albeit it provides momentary delight. Really people, if Sachin was the first one to score 17000 ODI runs, he will definitely be the first one to score 17001 runs, 17002 runs, 17003 runs and so on. Unless the world becomes a Hollywood studio, I can’t see how any other batsman can score thousands of runs overnight and surprise you. So, no need to extract a Diwali celebration out of each run he scores. Somehow, we Indians are blessed with a myopic ability of seeing his achievements as our own. And, now please don’t start with that ‘Cricket is our religion and Sachin is our God’ crap as all your love for cricket is shown by the fact that irrespective of the playing conditions, you always want India to bat when you are free to watch. I know by now Tendulkar fans would have started feeling a searing pain in their Tendulkar gland, so before  knives are out for me for speaking about Sachin in this fashion, let’s quickly drop this resolution from the list and move on to the next one.

Resolution # 3

I will not buy anything, the price tag of which bears a 99 at the end.

This add-99-to-fool-people scam has been going around for quite some time now. These tag keeps luring us, it keeps faking us. Its high time that we abolish anything which has this ending-in-99 price tag. If under some circumstances, it really becomes imperative of you to buy such a product, make sure you take the one rupee change back and not give the dealer any satisfaction. Yes, majority of my day-to-day actions are just out of spite!

Resolution # 4

I will not waste my 300 hard-earned (Well. Not exactly!) bucks on any indian ski-fi or robotic movie .

Let me take the sadistic pleasure of reminding you of RA.One, oh yea someone named it Random Access version one. Police is still counting on the number of people who died randomly of internal hemorrhaging. Want a pleasant surprise? Watching such movies is like talking to a gravestone. Also, it might sound like philosophical hogwash, but do we really need such shit movies in Bollywood. Haven't we time and again proved our intellectual incompetence towards drafting Indian version of high end science fictions? Haven’t we already, practically discovered the award of “Dumbest People On Earth” and awarded it to ourselves ?

Resolution # 5

I will not buy JK cement no matter how many dazzling beauties they show in swimming costumes.

As much as I agree that hot chicks are capable of doing many seemingly impossible things, but increasing the strength of a skyscraper foundation remains too far-fetched for me. I am not even gonna believe the WikiLeaks with this one!

Resolution # 6

I will never mention Friends as my favourite TV show and Chetan Bhagat as my favourite author.

Trust me on this one. If Friends is your favourite TV show then you definitely suffer from selective amnesia while watching TV, and if Chetan Bhagat is your favourite author then actually you are not even qualified to read a good book. And, if by any slice of misfortune, you have both of the above as favorites, then I am surprised that nobody has killed you yet. So either drop dead or be a little classy this year, because the moment you are know for both the attribute, watch yourself in mirror and thinks about this resolution again; I bet you will spit on your face.

Resolution # 7

I will never buy anything at the airport/airlines.

Even if you are dying of hunger, and a chicken sandwich (for which actually a chicken sacrificed its life) starts to appear as a life saver, don’t buy anything on an airport/airlines. You are not gonna regret even if you sacrifice your life in the process, but this scam must be put to an end. The nerve of these people. 250 bucks for a Kentucky fried chicken at Mumbai airport, as if this chicken just walked out of the Kentucky farms.

Resolution # 8

I will not pay one-and-a-half to auto-drivers.

I might plunk down 4k for a pair of jeans that cease to fit me after my next meal. I might also buy a 55 inches LED TV just to watch NewsHour. But there is no way that I am going to pay seventy-five bucks to an auto-driver when the meter reads fifty! It may be well past 10 p.m. and my house might be in a deserted area from where the auto-driver wouldn’t find any new customer to take back, but I take a stand today. There is something seriously wrong with this breed and they need to be put back in place. Traffic discipline is like a contraband to them. No one-and-a-half!! This one is for all the scratches on my car and the zillion times I have been cut-off in the traffic. This is my firmest resolution of 2012

Resolution # 9

I will not listen to any song, the lyrics of which I can’t even comprehend.

This one could easily be the hamlet of all stupidities. Aren’t A R Rahman’s songs enough to put doubts in your numb skulls about your hearing capability and your understanding of the national language, that we now need Arabic and Persian lyrics? Remember those numbers from Murder(Kaho Na Kaho) and Bluffmaster (Bure Bure Hum Hum Hum)? And, I also resolve this New Year that I won’t become a fan of utter nonsense songs, in which a woman called Munni can become a Zandu Balm, a woman named sheila getting badnaam; method anonymous and unknow.

Resolution # 10

I will not be good to anybody who says to me “Be Good”/”Take Care”.

These could easily be the two worst phrases of English language. Simultaneously these are the most cryptic phrases drafted ever. Why do people say that at the end of a chat or a telephone call? What does it even mean? How does one exactly do this activity of “taking care”?! Let’s say I am Hitler, gassing around people on their arrival to Auschwitz. But since this guy, whom I meet just once in a year told me to be good, will I let the Jews flourish? WTH! I know it has become a kind of tradition but then sacrificing virgins to appease God was also one; we don’t follow that anymore, then why do we stick with this Be-Good-Take-Care bullshit?

Those aren’t difficult resolutions to follow, are they? So what if you couldn’t get six-packs in 2011. Read the above ten with ten intervening shots of margarita and ROCK ON!!

P.S. I know my aforementioned suggestions don’t have the authority of God’s commandments chiseled in stone, but bank on me this one time and try them out for a year. Revert to me at the end of 2012 with results and I am sure that by then you would have become a person very much like me i.e. widely despised but comfortably happy :)

P.P.S. Although this one is an adapted article, still I am posting it on 1st Jan as I perfectly understand that reading a altered write-up on the first day of the year from a perennial loser like me is pretty ironical and might not be the best of ways to start a year.

P.P.P.S. Completely irrelevant to the post, I am almost compelled to mention this well-known fact that Why this kolaveri kolaveri di has been confirmed by CNN as the most popular song of 2011.

P.P.P.P.S. Ok one last thing. The final one before you shut down the browser window; Wonder how would Anna Hazare deliver a New Year Resolution speech: having said that

"Dekhooooooooooo...
Cigarette/Daru chod dooooooooo... 
Nashebaaaaazi karnaaaaaa..
buri baat haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii"
Rhythm Correct !?!