Attention and More

“You validate people’s lives by your attention.” -Unknown

For as long as I can remember, wanting attention has seemed like a shameful thing. It's been like you are screaming your weakness to the world.

“She’s only doing that for attention.” “He’s only telling that sob story for attention.” “She only volunteered to help for attention.”

Have we ever said or heard something like this? I know I have. Many times throughout our life, we’ve analyzed people’s words and actions and essentially judged whether or not their intention was to hoist themselves into the spotlight or take the centre stage. Every time we’ve done this, somewhere inside us we’ve thought, “It’s bad to be desperate for attention.” And somewhere underneath that, “I hate that I’ve been desperate for attention.”

Call it second child syndrome, but we all came out of the womb screaming, “Look at me!” And then “What are you looking at?”

The way evolution has seen itself we have a healthier sense of self these days, but I can still be triggered by (what I might believe is) attention seeking behavior—and it’s generally because I’m subconsciously judging many of my former choices.

Not everyone acts out to gain approval, but no matter how you slice it, the desire for attention is a call for love and compassion. What would happen if we started seeing it that way, instead of turning attention into a four letter word?

I’m not talking about enabling people when they’re doing dangerous things, or condoning disrespectful, inconsiderate choices. I’m talking about shifting our perceptions so that we’re less apt to judge and more likely to understand. That doesn’t mean we need to be pulled into drama. It just means we look a little below the surface to empathize before responding–and in this way, we’re better able to recognize when attention seeking is actually a cry for help.

We all look for validation every now and then. We’re all people who want attention. And we can all choose to be compassionate when we see a call for love and recognition instead of judging the need.

Complicated perhaps not.