Random and More

I always feel we are living in troubled times. We rarely get time and freedom to stand and stare like the celebrated poet William Wordsworth. Quite unwittingly, we get trapped in a “Time-machine.” We get accustomed, much against our nature, to a kind of routine from dawn to dusk and even beyond. Our life seemed to be programmed inflexibly, inexorably. Evidently, we are brought up that way and habits die hard. Infact they never die they just get transformed into something more convenient - opinion, perception; I am not sure. We bring up our kids too to adapt themselves to this regimen. Any deviation or relaxation would be resented, frowned upon and voted out. Our nervous system is conditioned to such a punishing schedule, with poor prospects of respite. Quite inadvertently, we hurt ourselves. We hurt the helpless kids too to conform to such a standardised schooling.

Life in a metropolis gets standardised more and more. With everyone running from pillars to pillars, somewhere we get subconsciously delusioned. Pavlov and Skinner subjected animals and birds to a kind of standardised behaviour while they studied classical conditioning. Seldom did they imagine that their theories would make human beings the guinea pigs. We are depriving ourselves of the freedom to be what we should submit/succumb. Not a day would pass without a plethora of do’s and don’ts, should’s and shouldn’ts. Lists are invariably our bon-appetite.

If only we find a little time for ourselves, sit back without our laptops, smart phones, facebook, twitter, whatsapp and other smart apps which boast of connecting people. Tough world, tough run. If only we could be less predictable and more random.

Random is still charming though

Great Expectations

Right from the black and white era, there has always been a satire in our movies in which one character will open up a newspaper and read only death related news and then sigh with exasperation. I used to always think it is an overdose and does not clearly reflect the situation in the country. How I wish I still can think the same way.

After the recent rape incident in bangalore, a part of me is badly ambushed, my self is deeply saddened by the way our society is shaping up. No one is safe, not even a 6 year old kid. What can we expect more. So many of us keep on protesting against such indecent and cheap methods to make one’s point. But how long should we keep protesting and stop acting. To me at times these protest too seems a measure of "vote bank" politics. The only people who have to listen to us refuse to do so, taking shelter in the fact they will lose elections and thereby power if they do the right thing. What is the use of power when you cannot ensure the safety of innocent civilians. What we need in people who are in power is action; not just an analysis of why the same event keeps repeating again. While dealing with the lives of people, how long can we and government blame each other and then do nothing about it. The fear factor that is gripping the country is undoubtedly detrimental in nature.

Recently I was in an auto in one of the bylanes of a metro city. Into one of the narrow lane, (where everyone apparently wants to be first one to move) was a young lady driving a nice red shining Polo from the opposite end. She cruised past the auto without using her dipper nearly surviving the side outer rear view mirror crash. She should have used proper signals before making the move. I agree it was a mistake. But what happened next was shocking and frivolous. The auto driver, a man in his early 50s stepped out, abused the lady and then spitted with rage on her car which had just passed across. The action was so amalgamated with aggression, rage and subtle violence that I could no longer continue in that auto. My morality just didn't allow me. Even if she did not use a dipper before passing across the auto driver's machine, he had no right to spit on her. I immediately left the auto and chose to walk before I get one. But before I left, I just said to him one thing - "Bhaiya, you probably might have a daughter of the lady's age, think before you act"

I often realize, what is it that is stopping us, the police and the politicians from acting tough? To the common man, the solution to this problem looks woefully simple. But to the leaders, it is apparently very complicated. A sense of innovation is clearly missing in coming up with solutions. A sense of courage is clearly missing in dealing with unruly elements. And a sense of compassion is also missing in dealing with the victims. Are we really safe from the whims and fancies of dark element of this not so wise society. Is that the leaders we elect, their only sense of duty stems from the fact that they want power, only power and nothing else.

Alas, we have to understand our fair share too. If you think the only thing you can do is write and protest. Probably not.

The Fear of Loss

Of all the things that scare us, fear of loss seem like the most terrifying. At times, I’ve thought about it with such dread that it’s felt overwhelming. Loss, whatsoever of any kind is always a tough thing to bear. Especially if the entity has been personal or close to you, the loss just creates a perpetual void in your life and soul. Humans always seek to be running from this fear. It has something that has been daunting people and civilizations for ages. It's this fear that sets us on the back foot.

There are greater loss and small losses, but then there are these everyday losses: If I don’t do this, will I lose someone’s respect? If I don’t do that, will I lose my own? If I don’t go, will I lose some as of yet unknown opportunity? If I don’t stay, will I lose my sense of comfort and security? I might even go so far to say that whenever I fear something, loss is at the root of it. I suspect I’m not alone.

These are our own fear which comes riding back into town, ready to avenge us for casting it out. We have treated fear as the enemy, so it has gone into fighting mode. In fighting mode, fear is ruthless. In fighting mode, fear attacks by pulling us into a dark and catastrophic drama where we become so panicked and terrified that we can’t ignore the fear any longer.

The question that lingers is how to combat this fear ? Well it's something that I still don't have too much of clarity on.

Dialogue or a debate

It has been said that more blood has been spilt over the cause of religion than over any other cause. This statement seems to be confirmed by what we see today. It is a paradox that religion is at once a cohesive and divisive force. If religion, with its potential for good, has turned a destructive force, it is only a perversion of religion.

Shakespeare suggested - "It is excellent to have a giant's strength, but tyrannous to use it like a giant."

All the values advocated by religion are threatened by greed, violence, competitive religion, exploitation, commercialisation and similar negative forces. Religion in its most vital sense is the antidote to the spiritual malady afflicting the modern world.

It's important that we come together for a dialogue and not a debate. The purpose is to understand and not to prove us right and silence the others with our arguments. Let us be a little humble; Let us think that the truth may not be entirely with us; Let us cooperate with others; Let us, even when we do not appreciate what others say, respect their views and ways of life.

Yes, we definitely need a dialogue and not a debate.

Amiss the new MISS

Enough is being said about women empowerment. Every other weekend when I turn to the editorial of a newspaper, I always find an article on women empowerment. THE MODERN-AGE, mobile-flashing, up-market and sassy lady of the new millennium is a great symbol of empowerment of women. There's just one little catch according to me. Empowerment doesn't just come from a part of the population getting their share of rights or maybe more. It needs an awakening in everybody.

What about the women in the remote areas of the country, who haven't even graduated to gas stoves from the old wood and charcoal fires and can only fantasise about three meals a day for their family and maybe, healthy kids. The women who slog as domestic helps, construction workers and worst of all, those who are forced to sell their bodies to survive, don't they deserve their share of empowerment? How many of them have even the basic right of exercising choice. Our society is still inhuman enough to speak of prostitutes in hushed tones and ignore their presence while the males continue to exploit the ignorance.

Why are we so vexed about understanding and portrayal of sexuality. It is true that our country boasts of the Kama Sutra and it is great that women have a choice of dress and freedom of will. But, the message going across is that every woman on the road is a mannequin on display. Why does a "flashing scene" on a late night American show become news in the national newspapers here? Means why are we so hypocritical about sexuality.

I strongly believe women are not meant to be married off as soon as possible to get a `burden' off; neither do they need a groom bought for them with dowry. So what if the girl is past 27-28 years of age and yet unmarried; means doesn't she have a choice to find someone right for her, who likes her for who she is, not just for how she looks? Women's rights are not favours done by men for women. Male chauvinism needs a break. Letting the lady of the house make decisions is not by the man's choice, it is the lady's right to have a say. Let us not confuse obscenity and vulgarity with liberty and emancipation.

We need to grow up and change our outlook. Protecting or helping a woman from a mob trying to molest her or humiliate her is a responsibility of every self-respecting citizen present there. Do not let eve-teasers go unpunished, they will only grow into molesters. Women are much more than weepy, dumb, decked up decorations meant to look "hot and sexy" and not utilise their brains. They are human beings, with brains, the ability to use them well, feelings and thoughts. If you are in a relationship with her, stop being a dick; trust her, respect her and let her be what she is. Probably then would be the case that you really love her. The day we learn that probably then would be the day when they are really empowered.

Trust and Worth

Everyone wants to be trusted and this is true in a personal as well as professional relationship. Imagine how difficult it is to sustain in a work environment if you boss cannot trust with the work that has been endowed upon you. It will only stress out the environment and make things complicated. But being viewed as trustworthy is not something that just happens by accident. Trust is something that one builds into gradually and then it needs to be valued and maintained.

Often human beings are seen struggling with with trust issues these days even when there is no tangible reason for mistrust. This is because trust involves a whole array of complex feelings like faith, belief, hope, conviction, confidence, expectation, dependence, and reliance. In other words, it is a huge emotional investment which, if abused, can increase you vulnerability to a lot of mess and distress.

But then at times it's the only thing we have. It's equivalent to choices we make in life. The choices which affect the palpable changes in our lives. It's never as complicated as it seems.

Attention and More

“You validate people’s lives by your attention.” -Unknown

For as long as I can remember, wanting attention has seemed like a shameful thing. It's been like you are screaming your weakness to the world.

“She’s only doing that for attention.” “He’s only telling that sob story for attention.” “She only volunteered to help for attention.”

Have we ever said or heard something like this? I know I have. Many times throughout our life, we’ve analyzed people’s words and actions and essentially judged whether or not their intention was to hoist themselves into the spotlight or take the centre stage. Every time we’ve done this, somewhere inside us we’ve thought, “It’s bad to be desperate for attention.” And somewhere underneath that, “I hate that I’ve been desperate for attention.”

Call it second child syndrome, but we all came out of the womb screaming, “Look at me!” And then “What are you looking at?”

The way evolution has seen itself we have a healthier sense of self these days, but I can still be triggered by (what I might believe is) attention seeking behavior—and it’s generally because I’m subconsciously judging many of my former choices.

Not everyone acts out to gain approval, but no matter how you slice it, the desire for attention is a call for love and compassion. What would happen if we started seeing it that way, instead of turning attention into a four letter word?

I’m not talking about enabling people when they’re doing dangerous things, or condoning disrespectful, inconsiderate choices. I’m talking about shifting our perceptions so that we’re less apt to judge and more likely to understand. That doesn’t mean we need to be pulled into drama. It just means we look a little below the surface to empathize before responding–and in this way, we’re better able to recognize when attention seeking is actually a cry for help.

We all look for validation every now and then. We’re all people who want attention. And we can all choose to be compassionate when we see a call for love and recognition instead of judging the need.

Complicated perhaps not.

Paradox

We are all human; but few are humane. Most of us think we are virtuous; but few are bereft of vice. We are all uniquely blessed with the power to imagine, extrapolate, inquire and to perceive beyond immediacy but so few see beyond the reach of their noses and so much consumed by the grind of daily existence.

Many of us feel self-righteous; but few shrink from hurting the weak and vulnerable. "To be fallible is to be human", but individually we think we are infallible. Why does human intimacy rob mutual respect and interpersonal relationships so hard to sustain when man is so gregarious and craves for human contact? We are endowed with the unique power of reason, wisdom discrimination but we act so often without them. We behave as if we were deprived of these virtues. I agree we are infinitely creative but then often mindlessly destructive. Instead of feeling ashamed for our anger and avarice, so many use them as a cover and justification for their actions arising from them. We make daily choices but often avoid facing the consequences.

What is the measure of greatness? Indeed, what is the measure of man? Are good and bad, virtue and values elastic terms, relative to the time, place and provocation? What is morality in an age of images and instant satiation? What are the permissible limits of moral transgression in tune with the times? I have always struggled to differentiate right and wrong. I always think that the concept is a 'relative' one rather than 'absolute' one. That's why I believe more in concept of fair and unfair.

The way I have been seeing people shitting the morality arguments whenever they feel defeated in a conversation I am forced to think - what is the essence of morality? Is just 'truth' and 'non-violence' the guiding light. Are the norms of good and bad, virtue and vice specific to each place and time or are they immutable, universal and eternal? Why are we so judgmental when it is so difficult to think like someone else?

Can we ascrive every happenings to the doctrine of cause and effect. ? What is the interplay between human's free and fickle minded fucked up will and omnipotent divine will.

In other words are we behaving as we are supposed to behave, just playing our doomed parts? If so, where is the room for any remorse or guilt? Do we still have a chance to redeem ourselves, pull away from the precipice?

Too much to ask, too much to answer

More Advice, More troubles

However diverse we are in our culture, there are certain common traits that run through our society and connect us all. One such characteristic is the compulsive urge to dole out unsolicited advice. It is given by relatives, friends or even total strangers. In fact, the less acquainted you are with the adviser the more forceful is the advice.

The sadist in me is delighted when I hear parents of children in the final years of schooling being besieged with suggestions about their future. One person predicted that with the ever-increasing demand for electricity, a time will come when there will not be enough power to run all the computers and hence IT as a field has no future. Another said to a parent whose daughter joined a basic science degree course: whatever be the state of affairs, the world cannot exist without trade. So, doing a degree in commerce is the most prudent thing.

Why is it that according to the adviser all our decisions are always wrong? You would have cogitated for ages to sink your hard-earned money in a flat. This lady says, “A flat? You have made a terrible mistake. How can you get the happiness of living in an independent house? I am sure that in due course the residents in the flats will not cooperate in anything from paying the maintenance fee to hiring a night watchman. Poor you.”

If you think you are smart in owning an independent house, listen to this adviser: “Oh! If you reside in a flat you don't have to worry about finding someone to repair an electrical or plumbing fault. The secretary of the association will do it for you. Also, you have forgotten the safety aspect. You are a sitting duck in an independent house.”

Invariably, the adviser is neither an expert nor has he any experience in the field but says what he has read or heard somewhere. Perhaps, offering advice makes him feel important and worthy of existence. But then the receiver can become a mental wreck faced with a multitude of contrasting suggestions coming from various advisers. He can become depressed and lose his self-esteem. The only way he can redeem his self-esteem is to feel important and be worthy by doling out unsolicited advice himself.

Ah, inadvertently, I have found out why people give unsolicited advice.