The omnipresent companion

Expectations are simply omnipresent. It's what you expect from the people in your personal as well as professional relationships. From your co-worker to your best friend to your spouse, you have expectations of everyone in your life. You expect your boss or your human resources representative to hand you a paycheck on pay day. You expect your parents to remember to call on your birthday. You expect the new person you’re dating to call, or text, within a certain timeframe after a date. If you set your expectations too high however, and the person does not meet your standards, you are the one who winds up feeling sad or angry.

Managing expectations, both our own and those of the people in our life, creates breathing room for our experiences, allowing us to live with more certainty and calm, encouraging less reactivity, avoiding upset. We all have expectations of people, events, our work, the movies we go to, the restaurants we eat at. Most of the time our expectations live below our subconscious mind and we do not know we had the expectation until we are either happily surprised or disappointed. It takes some time to realize it though.

However one question that always lingers in my not so thoughtful mind is why is managing expectations such a big deal? Why is the power of expectation so great? And why do people spend so much of their time these days frustrated, angry, and pissed off ? Are some of these expectations genuine or is it synthetically created. Is it a transition from feeling neutral - to feeling excited - to feeling disappointed. Are we alone responsible for laying down guidelines for what to expect and what not to. Someone also said - "today’s expectations are tomorrow resentments” or “expectations are resentments in training”.

As far as I am concerned I still am looking for answers. But one thing I do realize is that managing expectation is easier said than done and it's definitely an omnipresent companion to one. One may able to tame this animal but may not simply curb it.

Medieval Opinions

Enough has been said about it already. Enough has been written about it already. I accidently happened to read an article today evening which was titled - "Dress Code for Women". First thing first, I was deeply disturbed by the title itself and as I progressed I only got more flustered. Initially I thought it was a joke and that the writer was being sarcastic. As I continued to read I was shocked and outraged, and just had to pitch in.

I am a 27 year old and have been working since 23. I come from a small town which is somewhat conservative in it's thoughts but yes I have spent quite a time in some foremost metros and tier 1 cities of India. I have also travelled to some developed countries and have been working with people from different race and culture. I have been closely following the dress-code controversy in the papers and on TV in our country and I have a few observations to make.

The first is on the actual dress code issue. I have noticed the repeated use of words such as modesty, decency and obscenity. Would the people who use these words please tell me what they mean? What is so indecent and obscene about jeans, T-shirts and skirts ? I don't see it anything more than the personal choice to be comfortable and feel good about it. If women wearing jeans are viewed as lacking modesty and serenity, women wearing saris should also be called immodest, as they expose some parts of their body. The baseline is that it's totally a bullshit argument without any rationale.

Fundamentally women wear jeans and T-shirts not to emulate western culture, but because such clothes are more comfortable. No one is deriding and discarding anything because it is age-old, or accepting some things just because they are modern. If it is a question of micro-mini skirts and barely-there tops, which leave little to the imagination, it should be known that only a small minority of girls dress this way. Even if they do so, it is their choice. If people are offended by them, then they should not look at these girls.

I find it very distressing to see that educated people condone such patriarchal behaviour. It is especially disturbing to see that some women also encourage this behaviour. While it is fine to have your own views, it is improper to impose them on others. Why is there such fear of a woman's freedom and empowerment? As a progressive society we seriously need to think about our opinions.

I feel that we are trying to treat the symptom and not the disease. We are trivialising the problem by issuing dress codes and other such dictates and restrictions. The real issues are our medieval views on women, and that is what needs to be changed on the whole

Man, Machine and Maniacs

I wonder what makes a gentle considerate person the devil incarnate when he is behind a machine. He behaves as if he is the lord of all that he surveys and any mortal on his way is treated with the contempt that person deserves. Consideration, politeness and sympathy are alien words not in his dictionary.

The other day, I found a big, powerful motorcycle headed my way though I was walking on the edge of the road in the absence of a walk able pavement. The motorcyclist slowed down a bit but took his machine through the narrow space between the curbside and the road hump. I asked him whether he should use only that space, on the wrong side, when he is supposed to drive on the left, slow down and negotiate the hump. He stopped gave me a stare as if I just intruded his personal life.

I dared not argue further. So much for consideration and politeness. The bigger the machine, the bigger the importance of the man behind the wheel. Bigger is the ego to treat the pedestrians with contempt. Take the example of our own city bus drivers. Anything on their way is a nuisance to be negotiated anyhow as they are always in a tearing hurry to reach their destination. They are known to intimidate other drivers with incessant horn and even nudging the other vehicles in a clear indication they mean business when it comes to demonstrating who is the master of the roads. People do not argue with such drivers who in general have the sympathy of the scores of passengers inside. “Might is right,” the jungle law, is very much practised on our roads. The very Indian roads. I have been quite a law abiding driver. The other day while I was waiting for the signal to turn green, an auto driver menacingly just paced his machine through the inches of space available to my left. I thought - "when will we ever learn to slow down".

I had had the chance to visit a couple of advanced countries and I recall nostalgically the consideration shown by drivers to co-vehicle drivers and pedestrians. Honking is taboo, except as a means of greeting or in dire emergencies. No one overtakes on the wrong side. Immediately after overtaking, the vehicle comes back to the left or right side of the road so that other vehicles could overtake if they so desire. If a driver were in trouble due to his machine, those behind them would stop and render all possible assistance.

I wonder whether we will ever learn some of those eminent guidelines for good behavior on the roads or continue to be acting like maniacs in a tearing hurry. When we talk so much about globalization, why can't we learn some of the good practices of the advanced countries where safety, orderliness and discipline are ingrained in the citizens, come what may? As a citizens using the road we need to show some respect to each other

Co-linear/Non-linear

Humans are so rational that we always connect the dots whether they are co-linear or non-linear. While co-linear dots are easy to connect and easy to justify but I am really intruiged and fascinated to see how painstakingly we connect the non-linear dots. We all are fascinated by stories we like to hear, the stories we would like our heart to believe. In fact we are so fascinated that we convincingly deny to see anything that might seem more rational or logical or factual.

May be we have always been like this. May be we have been designed to be like this. Undoubtedly we are one hell of a species. Not so homogenous homo-sapiens. Too much of a thought to cogitate on a saturday noon.

10 of a billion may be

Guys don’t like to talk about how much they love their girl to other guys. They have been generally keeping their feelings to themselves. It’s like showing how pussy whipped you are. Well, I’m about to change that. Breaking the non-conventional is something we all have to do to build a progressive society.

I am with the best girl ever. She has been the best friend for last 8 years. That makes it even more special. There are a hundred million reasons why I love her, why I am so proud of her. First and foremost, she puts up with me, which makes her stronger than Hercules. There are other reasons as well. Let me break them down into a top ten list? Taking into account the scoop whoop's trend everyone loves top 10 things or top 25 things. Right ?

10. Patience - Mentioned in the opening, she’s like that solid rock of my world. When I’m pissed off or frustrated or in sad state she clams it by saying - “Dude, it’s ok things will happen for it’s own good.” I remember missing out my coveted B school admit last year. She was the one who calmed me down that I only feel more motivated to apply again. (Yes she calls me ‘dude’ :) )

9. Smarts - She’s the smartest girl that I know. She has done great in school. A 9 pointer not many can boast of. She is doing great at her job. Very accountable and responsible towards her work. She does have good programming skills. Can develop android apps, write good codes, design databases. Plus she knows where to draw a line. Not many girls I know have been street smarts unfortunately.

8. Beautiful - Everything about her is beautiful. I love her eyes, the way they rest in on her face. I love her cheek bones. I love her nose. I love her chin. I love the way she smiles. I love the way she talks. Means I can go on and the list might never end …

7. Willing to try new things - She’s always getting into things that are new and intriguing. Football, Cricket, Excursions, Movies, books  etc. She’s adventurous and will jump at the chance to do something out of the ordinary.

6.  Fun loving - She’s always laughing, smiling and pleased with the world. She makes even the most mundane tasks fun and enjoyable. Her attitude and energy is infectious, she makes you want to smile back at her.Even during my lows she just instills so much of energy whenever I talk to her. I have a viral fever while I am writing this but then I don’t feel like one. Reason I just talked to her.

5. Caring  - She truly cares about me. She’s worried about me when I’m down. She tried her best to bring best out of me when I am a little low. But besides my own needs; she has a thing for society. She wants to give back to society in her own little way.

4. Strong - She’s tough, strong and won’t back down from a fight. Plus, she’s mentally strong, knows how to handle things. She like to fight for things and has a positive “not give up” attitude. That makes me her fan. 

3. Stubborn - She’s stubborn in a good way. When she has her mind set on something, there’s nothing that can get in her way. She’s committed to her values and ideals. Plus, if she wants me to do something, I have to do it or I’ll never hear the end of it, but in a good way. (I like fulfilling her wishes all the time because she never has any irrational wish)

2. Leader - She’s the leader of the pack. At her old job, she was super active in participating off-office events, plays etc. In her friends, everyone waits for her to do something or set something up because she’s expected to. All her friends like her and some boys love her. (That never makes me insecure, :-) in fact makes me glad and proud of her personality )

1. Big heart- She’s a bleeding heart. She reaches out to the sick and lonely. She cares about homeless people (which even I do till some extent). She cares about me (I’m like sick lonely and homeless all at the same time.)

These are just ten of the billions of things about that make her the most special lady of my life. Does that make me sound like an idiot or nonsense? Yes, may be but I hardly care about it. I love her that much.

Continuity

The world is moving at a boisterous pace, with changes happening every passing moment of our life. Wise men have said that the all the changes taking place is for better, but then I am forced to cogitate, "Really, are all changes for the better ?" There are at times when the heart and mind inside the human torso battles hard to accept the changes.

Good changes are always welcome but then not-so-good ones are out there and too many in number. They exists like a heap of gravel of multitude dimensions. With time advancing at this brisk pace, the complexities involved are just being multiplied multifold. Continuity has been a part of life; mine as well as of yours. But then it comes with certain trade-offs.

As Balasubramina Pavani in one of his articles says - "Trees are felled mercilessly, giving way to majestic roads, which look beautiful. But the soul is missing. The shade of the selfless tree knows only to give and not take"

But sadly in this ever-changing rapid era, such sentiments have few takers. Great men say plant a tree, lesser men say chop it for it’s an obstruction. Had earlier generations thought that way, where would we have landed? Where would one rest under a hot summer sun?

Change and continuity is good and fascinating but are we willing to make so many trade-offs ?