There was a time not so long ago when everything was about being fashionable. Everybody wanted to endorse style, everyone wanted to be on Page 3, everybody wanted to buy their clothes from the same boutique, where Karan Johar bought it from. But now times have changed, people have evolved. Now its not about being fashionable, but its about being intellectual. Everybody wants to be an intellectual. Being Intellectual is in and it's not easy today. In 2012 it's fairly complicated to be an intellectual.
In 80's it was really easy; you just had to carry a jute bag and you can adorn the title. In the 90's you just had to spend a little more; you had to buy a Fab India Kurta. In 2000's it became really easy; you just had to hate George W Bush and you would be called an intellectual. But unfortunately in 2012 due to the nature of society adopting a 'attention seeking whore' model, it's fairly complicated. Nevertheless here are the 5 steps to make yourself believe you are an intellectual.
Step 1 - Crib about anything and everything on this planet. Crib about your government, crib about cops, crib about roads, crib about relatives, crib about social network. Just go by the simple basic rule - ' sab chutiye hain '. The reason is fairly simple. Because you crib, people think you have an opinion; and having an opinion is the first crucial step towards being an intellectual.
Step 2 - Have a clear cut but extreme opinion on Arundhati Roy. It could be extreme in either ways. It could be this extreme that you say - 'She writes with blood. She writes for the minions and down trodden. You are a fucking American dog' Or it could be the other extreme that you say 'joote dekhe hain iske, 8000 ke joote hain. Delhi ke New friends colony mein rehti hai., Posh area hai. Fraud hai ek no ki.' And the best thing about this step is that it offers a toggle facility. You can keep switching between the two opinions with a switch frequency. Because when you switch people think you have read more on the subject. Contradiction is the fundamental right of an intellectual.
Step 3 - This is step is a little sexist as it is only applicable for the ladies. Wear a red large bindi. Because nothing screams the intellectual like the bindi; the size of which is like an ozone layer hole.
Step 4 - In this decade this is really a inevitable step. Have a twitter account. Remember you are no intellectual if you are still getting tagged to 'Please adopt my cat photos' on facebook or someone else is still posting about beating your score in crazy taxi. Importantly combine step 4 and step 2 and you are almost there. You are 80% Intellectual already.
Step 5 - This is the golden one, the icing on the cake. Last step towards being an intellectual is that you sign at least 5 online petitions every month. They could be about any god damn thing on this planet. They could be about saving some Iranian filmmaker from getting jailed, they could be about saving 1411 left tigers, they could be about god sake, they could be about saving Abhishek's Bacchan career. Doesn't matter. Just sign 5 online petition every month and you are an intellectual.
P.S - If you have slightest of inclination to show your gratification thanks Varun Grover for the tip for life.
