He thought to himself it is time to go. Fully clothed, he rose from his chair and set off for his walk. He had taken this walk the same time each evening for many years now. He was frail, age had wearied him but had not crippled him just yet. He took his stick from the shelf, opened the front door and made his way into the winter night.
He could never understand the way the cold could bite into his skin despite the many layers of clothes that clung to his shivering body. His hands were numb, he put them to his mouth and blew hot breath on them, rubbing his hands together, he barely noticed the warmth given. He was alone, he was frozen, he was tired, so very tired. He knelt down in the freezing earth, he smelt the musky dead leaves fallen from the branches of swaying trees, laying now upon the ground under his knees, a prie-dieu of sorts. He bowed his head, he took out his beloved rosary beads and wrapped them lovingly around his fingers as if they were a shroud. The silence was deafening, it penetrated his thoughts, for a moment he was unable to speak.
It started to snow again, the wind began to blow across the openness of the earth cutting into his fragile body. The water from the falling snow mixed with the tears rolling down his cheeks. For a moment, the Nature stood still. Then the words came flowing from his mouth, sending clouds of mist into the air. He prayed.
“If this is the end of my journey and I see no other way for it to be otherwise, then as it reaches its conclusion I want to thank you Lord for the journey itself. The destination I constantly sought is now only understood as my journey was taken. The future is yours and I commend my whole self, wretched that I am, to you Lord. For I fear my steps are coming to a halt. I acknowledge the joys of life, the love, the laughter, the sorrow too, the hardship, the loss of friends and loved ones. You have given me everything I have and I lay my whole journey before you now. I give you all that I am, all I was and ever will be. The wind is howling around my ears, its noise brings confusion and fear to my weakening soul. I have never felt so small in the vast enormity of your brilliant creation. Yet even in this dire moment, I know you are here, close by me Lord. I feel the assurance of your abiding presence. The shadow I felt with me throughout is emerging, becoming a bright light. As the breath in my body begins to become still, the vision of eternity breaks the clouds of doubt that have been forming above my head during this most stressful, wearying time. I trust you Lord and that increases now as I let go of this waking world and give into the sleep that is so needed, most welcome. I close my eyes now, the pain is leaving me, I see the hand you stretch out to me now and I am filled with an incredible peace, one I have never felt before. The dark is fading now it is becoming a glorious new morning! ”
A few hours later two members of staff from the nursing home followed his footsteps that were still visible from the previous night’s snowfall. They found his lifeless body kneeling, his head bowed, his hands clutching his rosary. “He looks peaceful” his carer said “You know I think he is smiling! He was such a lovely fellow, may God be his keep now.
Adapted from a Sermon in a Church
