मंजिल भी उन्ही की थी, रस्ते भी उन्ही के थे
मैं सिर्फ अकेला था , बाकी सब कारवा भी उन्ही का था
साथ चलने की चाहत भी उन्ही की थी, साथ छोड़ने का फैसला भी उन्ही का था
मेरी आँखों में सपने भी उन्ही के थे, उन सपनो में रंगी कहानियाँ भी उन्ही की थी
बारिश के बूंदों के छाओं तले वो नयी खुशबू भी उन्ही की थी
गली के नुक्कड़ पे खड़े होके चाय की चुस्कियों के बीच यादें भी उन्ही के थी
मंजिल भी उन्ही की थी, रस्ते भी उन्ही के थे
मैं सिर्फ अकेला था , बाकी सब कारवा भी उन्ही का था
How does it feels to be a friend to someone who doesn't like you. You feel cheated, no you feel guilty, or do you feel deprived. The exact answer gets a little tough here. So this weekend has been a real fun weekend for him after quite a time. Lots of old friends, lots of alcohol lots of food and definitely some critical reasoning. But then some near dead revelations, not the conventional ones but seemingly non-conventional ones, and at this point he is relentless, sleep deprived with a constant instigation in his heart which is in a constant fight with the mind. While the mind pacifies a lot, the heart is crusading for some tough decisions.
Out of the 930 odd friends he has on facebook (yea that's exactly how we have been counting friends) definitely fewer among them like him. Well talking out of the realm of the social websites, he came to know not many like him and he has been knowing them, respecting them and have been in constant communication. (Shit I have goofed up the grammar here, who cares ) So this hatred, lack of mercy sends him back to time and the sounds and the emotions in mind and soul reverberate as he asks this question to himself.
"What have I exactly done ??"
There happened to be a boy and girl, and just because they had that teenage crush back in school then, and just because they exchanged books and notes, and just because they moved to college, and just because they started talking more, and just because they fell in love, and just because they enjoyed their tele-romance, and just because they screwed up and moved apart, and just because they had a mutual friend equally close to either of them, and just because the girl went into a relationship with another guy, and just because they goofed up too after a sometime, and just because there was this mutual friend guy and just because the mutual friend guy started talking more with this girl, and just because they became great friends, and just because this mutual friend guy moved to same city, and just because this guy started seeing her more and gradually started having some feelings for the girl, and just because he preferred letting her know about it than to live in stealth, and just because the first guy was his best friend he told about it to him too than to live in stealth, and just because the girl never went decisive, and just because this first guy returned back, and just because this mutual guy never expected anything and decided to stay calm and wait, and just because this first guy kept sharing some gyan, and just because this mutual friend decides to move ahead and let go his feelings and care for the girl, and just because he always wished best for both of them, and just because he happens to be a great friend to both of them the first guy dislikes him, he cannot forgive him, he doesn't likes him any more.
The concept of friend died for him a long time ago and now the concept of 'just' and 'fair' died too. The reverberation only is growing stronger, that at times it feels as if it is killing the soul inside him. He has grown weak, feeble and the inside him is crying every second as the word "I don't like him" rings so close. This night is tough and as he writes he decides he has to move apart to save the inside him. He knows no one cares for it and no one ever did. They just talk to him because he happens to be a guy whom they have known for a long time. And the inside him definitely doesn't wants the fuck all mercy. Seriously what do we know about pleasure and pain, they both remain to be a mystery for him, for me, for you.
The real problem is choice, between the 'reality' and the 'morphed version of reality'. "I don't like him anymore, No one here does", Screwed , Messed and probably pissed. Time to rift the ways apart.
